It started so innocently... A "party committee" approached me with a request I provide entertainment for a good friend's 50th birthday party. I said I really didn't have any talents other than a lighting fast wit, and perhaps a penchant towards stand-up comedy. They looked down at their shoes, and said that they had something in mind, and they were sure that it would be a big hit with Carol Lee (my aforementioned friend).

I couldn't imagine what they were thinking, so they started hinting at the idea, making references to my beautiful physique. Now I was 52 at the time, and if I may say so myself, pretty well preserved for my age. I had always noticed female types looking at me with wistful eyes (actually pretty much all my life), but I just never thought what kind of ideas those girls may have. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather, when they thought I would be a pretty good "Chippendale"!!

After I had gained my composure, it hit me... The whistles, the cat calls, the girls were pretending they had x-ray goggles when I walked by... I just never really put it together! Wow, there couldn't be many 52-year-old-males that get requests like that... How could I turn them down.

I immediately thought of my own lovely wife. I knew she would be proud to share her husband with a roomful of admiring women, who would like to rest their eyes on a specimen like her husband, so I felt compelled to say I would do it.

I started my routine with a kind of "roast" to the guest of honor, who had absolutely no idea of what a treat she would be in for.

I gave her a party hat, and one of those whistles that unroll when you blow it, and read some poems and limericks I had written... So far so good.

Now I decided it was time to get into costume for the act. The setting didn't allow for a dressing room, so I had to carry everything with me. I guess a stripper having a dressing room doesn't make much sense.

The room was full of beautiful women, but I really didn't feel too shy... When you know you are admired as much as I was to the group assembled (even if it was just for my body), you get a feeling you can't do anything wrong.

It really didn't take that long to get into costume, and I had a lot of cheering and, well, moral support from the audience.

Carol Lee figured out what was coming up (err... going to happen), and she got very excited... You should have heard her scream in anticipation.

Now the excitement was building... I had gone past the point of no return... I knew there would be a lot of disappointed females if they didn't get the show they were looking for.

I had to tell them that they could not take any pictures while I was totally naked...

They seemed to take it in pretty good spirits.

I got a lot of complements on my tattoos...

The girls were getting very excited...

I hoped that they would be able to restrain themselves!

We were in the conference room near the front of the main office and I heard afterwards that they could hear the cheering and screams all the way in the back (even with the printing presses running).

I could tell that the women had never seen anything like that before, and, well, I felt I had a duty to keep on with the act.

In the end, everyone told me I really should give up the computer guru stuff, and run away and join the Chippendales. I thought about the life of having screaming females, coaxing you on, night after night, wanting more, and more, and more... Then thought about my lovely wife, and how she really needed me, and was really all the admiration I needed anyway. So I decided that even though there will be hundreds (maybe even thousands) of women who will never know the thrill of one of my strip shows, I just had to retire after the one show.

The End

Back To Miscellaneous Home